There is a thing that it’s like to be attended to in different ways. For example, being attended to with grippy attention in a contracted field of awareness feels different from being attended to with un-fixated attention in a wide field of awareness.

I think people generally don't realise this or recognise the subtleties of how their mode of attention affects others.

I have pointed out in the context of 'dating and attraction' that a lot of people—and I suspect especially men—can unknowingly use a kind of attention that may be perceived as predatory or creepy.

Contracted awareness, fixated attention and 'leaky desire’—which are very much perceivable by others, even if these dynamics are not consciously accessible to either party—feel oppressive and threatening.

Open awareness, free attention and what we could perhaps call ‘owned’ or ‘boundaried’ desire feel much more pleasant to be beheld with.

And, of course, all of this is visible to a third party as well.

In the absence of being able to name what’s happening, we default to speaking about vibes.

Zettels: 2.2a1a1b3a, 2.2a1a1b3a1